On Forgetting About Speed

I've been trying to find my pace in this program. Not that I've figured it out, but I'm noticing I don't give in to the rush as much anymore. The comparison with others, the urge to accelerate without really understanding what I'm doing. I'm realizing the challenge is actually to not lose touch with what's right for me. Or else I can get frenetic, panicky, stressed. My mind contracts, I get tense, I'm less able to think clearly.

It's a felt sense I try to pay attention to. It's like a bell. When it rings, it wakes me up from the accelerator fever. That's how I know I need to adjust something.

I can't really force speed. But it seems I can encourage it. I can foster favorable conditions. I can set things up. But fixating on speed seems misleading and stress inducing. One moment at a time seems like a better strategy than lurching into the next.

So I get interested in motion and its qualities. Is the motion steady? Is it relaxed? Confident? Shaky?

And when I'm stuck, how can I move again? What can I do to help?

When I approach things in this way, speed just finds its own level. And then what's left is just accepting and trusting that I'm moving at the right pace.